I like boys, you know

I’ve always been against the emphasizing of being gay. It’s a normal phenomenon, so why would you scream it off the roofs? I’ve even despised homosexuals who seem to be able to make their gayness show in literally everything they do. I thought such prolific expression only increases misunderstanding of, and hate against gays.

But I was wrong. Sure. Being gay is normal. Approximately 5 to 10 percent of the world population is gay. But that’s the problem. We’re a minority. We’re outnumbered at least one to ten. Which makes us invisible among the majority if we don’t deliberately stand out. If you look at it that way, life actually gets easier when you’re immediately recognizable as gay. Everybody knows what to expect. And the threshold for other gay guys to approach you gets lower.

In my case, no one ever notices. I’m bi. I look and act like a straight guy. Although I don’t hide it (I talk about cute guys whenever I like), it’s not evident. And because I’m part of a minority, members of the majority will automatically count me as one of theirs. It simply doesn’t occur to them I might be different, because it’s not part of their system, and I’m not recognizable as different.

This also happens with  guys I’m in love with. Because I like them, apparently I’m appearing very likeable to them. It has happened on many occasions that I ended up spending lots of time with such guys, because we just clicked. But it never occurred to them I might be in love with them. Even though they know I like boys, they don’t seem to register it. Even after having told I’m actually in love with them, they still don’t change their behaviour towards me. Which on the one hand means I’ve chosen the right people as my friends, because there’s no homophobia there whatsoever. But on the  other hand it means it’s very hard to end my feelings towards them and open myself to new opportunities. It’s just so damn nice to be with them that I take the missing part for granted.

But eventually that holds me back. If I had detached myself from them quicker and been more visible as a gay guy, the chance I’ll find someone suitable for me would have risen considerably.

That means two things: I have to be strict to myself and sometimes disappoint friends who are holding me back. And I have to be more prolific as a gay person. But I’m bi, you say? Yes, I won’t give up on the ladies. But I tend to like guys more, and I feel I need to let that side of me get the spotlight at this time. Ninety percent of the population assume I like girls anyway, so no emphasis needed there.

So there you go. I LIKE BOYS! Just so you know.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 13th, 2010 at 4:00 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.